The Twin Dilemma

“I think I’m going to be sick!” – Peri

 

And we begin, as one should, at the start. Colin Baker’s first outing as the Doctor is generally considered one of the worst episodes in the history of the show, yet looking at this, I can see there are more worthy examples of Who at it’s worst.

“Look at me! I’m old, lacking in vigour, my minds in a turmoil, I no longer know if I’m coming, gone or have even been. I’m falling to pieces! I no longer even have any clothes sense!”

The Doctor’s latest regeneration is by far his least stable, switching in between different personalities at break neck speed, he jumps between paranoia, murderous intent, cowardice and blind rage, before eventually stabilizing again. The Doctor’s condition during the first episode helps to add an element of drama to the serial, but as it progresses it acts more as a grinding stone, wearing away at the audiences nerve. What makes it worse for poor old Colin is his Doctor’s stable personality is still brash and acidic, making a near antagonistic relationship between himself and Peri. While there are hints of trying to replicate the mannerisms of the First Doctor, the new personality is far less rounded and even breaks with the Doctor’s typical compassionate nature as he refuses to treat a dying man. 

“I find her pleasing”

 

The four episodes that comprise the serials are mainly made up of some quite banal cliff hangers and conclusions. Hugo has the very kind manners to inform the Doctor he’s going to kill him, in a scene that’s more cringe worthy than anything else. It would seem the producers duly noted the new Doctor was effectively a cunt and so put a handy little epilogue in, effectively telling the audience to stick around, it might get better.

The main premise of the episode is the kidnapping of an intergalactic Jedward with brains for purposes undisclosed until the fourth episode, so as it is the oddly named twins are built up initially to have some sort of power that their father seems to fear in them, and by the end of the episode they’re merely whining runts that effectively get told off by Peri for being mouthy.

As we later learn the plan of the giant gastropod is to blow up a bit of the universe and distribute all of his eggs across the galaxy and cause general mayhem. It’s a plot that’s so farfetched it just seems preposterous to believe this is under the regime of a man who sought to ban gobbledegook from Doctor Who. Yet here it is. Disguised as an earlier plan to simply move the planets, 3 geniuses in a room seem to miss the fact the planets they are trying to move into orbit are smaller than the one they’re on and thus will be ripped apart by the gravity of the sun if they try to shift it. Oh my.

The design of the gastropods themselves are absurd. For a start it’s next to impossible to take seriously because they are cross eyed for one reason or another, and the dialogue the king slug comes out with is just your classic B-movie sci-fi shite that any script writer should feel a compulsion to gas themselves after writing. All the same they are a good dispensary for humour, as they appear to shit concrete.

That said, this isn’t deserving of the worst episode of Doctor Who, as there are far worse examples to choose from. Love and Monsters and Planet of the Daleks spring immediately to mind. The episode does have some heart to it, such as the touching moments between Azmeal and the Doctor, in particular to his death, and also the rather startling state of Jaconda as he lands makes for some unsettling viewing. If I were to pin why this episode is so lowly regarded therefore, it would have to be down to Nathan’s decision to turn the Doctor into a tosser.