The Lodger

"No, Amy. It's definitely not the fifth moon of Cinder Callister. I think I can see a Rymans"

Since seeing the fact this episode would contain both football and James Fatbastardtalentblackhole Corden, I was dreading this as another Love & Monsters. What I instead got was something horrifying. Something with these two elements, that's watch-able.

"That sofa. You're beginning to look like it"

Something that filled me with joy was The Doctor's quips to one of my least favourite actors on the planet. Corden has been resonating within the British psyche for some time now as the aborted foetus with a will to live. None the less he actually manages to be watch-able. Duly though, don't read that as praise, his acting was still god awful in most areas, mostly with the headbutt scenes. And is it my imagination or did he do a Hartnell? Cos if not, just what is "non- technological technology"?

"I'm your new lodger"

Before even watching this I knew it was a remake of the comic strip with the same name. The sonic screwdriver in the toothbrush pot just capped it off nicely. Of course having read the comic strip I was looking forward to this even less. The Doctor being a normal bloke? Eurgh. Or at least it would have been with it's intended Doc, namely no. 10, Mr fake French touchy feely. Fortunately he decided to fuck off earlier this year and left us with a character that doesn't talk like some sort of cockney crack addict. The result is the story being better suited for Smith's alieness than Tennant's... getting 13 year old girls giddy.

"You didn't say he was gorgeous"

Okay, World Cup started a few days ago, and I loathe football. Properly despise it. As it is The Doctor has to get stuck in too, and African Elephants, but that's another story. On the plus side we get to see Smith as close to naked as we're likely to get. This made me happy. It's not a comment on acting or anything it's just... nice.

"Ugh!"

Alas the story has to be resolved using a love story. Now this I wouldn't mind as much if the man of her affections was half way a looker, but James Corden? He looks like a boiled whale! If he kissed me I'd be worried he'd try and eat me. And can you imagine the sex? Forget whipped, break out the clotted cream. I'm being cruel, of course, though it is an amusing thought. I suppose It'd be like fucking a bouncy castle. All the same I suppose it's a nice way to resolve it, but the only reason it's there is because it's a nice way to resolve it.

"Earth to Pond"

And with the freaky shit going on upstairs Amy is left to maintain the TARDIS, and she knows her way round quite well. I wonder if he's given her lessons? The best bit to my mind was another of those Moffat moments, despite being a Robert's script, was Amy's revelation:

"You can't be upstairs, it's a one storey building"

And if that wasn't scary enough just picture James Corden naked.